being alone ...

did not text Sunshine much since Thursday, but was glad she called, and there were usual goodnight muacks, and a few friendly exchanges since then. well, I fear meeting her since thursday as I was not sure how to express myself. I guess I need some time to figure out who I am to her. was her 'outburst' on thursday due to just frustration, or cos she did not regard me as someone special, nothing compared to her friends and close office-mates or not sure, why. Perhaps I was afraid of such rejections, and was afraid to go through these kind of courtship all over again. Perhaps I was just doing baseless comparisons. In any case, I've lost confidence. I just feel like a low-life germ after that dinner. I just wanted some time to figure things out and reconcile with reality. I do miss her but this was mingled with a little fear of her ... so for the time being, I'll just be alone.